>Court-ing

>Well folks, Im off to good old Delhi in 3 days!! Yeah! I get to go home!!!
Since Im in such a happy mood (for a change) Ive decided to post something amusing and such for all you folk out there, so I hope you enjoy this, I know I did and it was real hard to pick which ones to put here! (youll see why)
Now we all know that the world has more than its needed number of lawyers. Personally I have no beef with them, I even know a couple of em and they are close friends, but I get the impression that today there are so many that there needs to now be a culling of the herd. (This isn’t to say the rest of us are smarter, but that’s a whole other story!)
To make my point, I give to you, these extracts from a book called “Disorder in the American Courts”, and these are things that people have actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters:

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he’s twenty-one.

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes. A
TTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh….

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice, which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral.

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?

And the best for last

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Cheers!!

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15 Comments Add yours

  1. nAl says:

    >ha ha, that was just way too funny,man! Poor laywers, if they depended on their common sense instead of what the learnt for the bar exams, they might make actually make more sense.

  2. The Dude says:

    >hey, Id settle for them learning ANYTHING, half the time I dont think they exist in the same world as the ret of us ,:D

  3. >hehe. the ‘oral’ one really cracked me up. wondering if i should send this to my father. a lawyer, of course 😀

  4. The Dude says:

    >Big eyed fish:hey go for it, if he’s got even a tiny a sense of humour he should get a kick out of it, and then for his birthday buy him the whole book!cheers…

  5. Arvind Gopal says:

    >Dude this is such shyte!! If lawyers were that dumb we wouldnt be getting paid so much hahahahahha!!

  6. >Of course I ought to be offended…ubut, um….hehehehe

  7. blow says:

    >hahahah.. havent laughed that hard in long dude! lol.. thanku.. also, in delhi already i’m guessing? 🙂

  8. The Dude says:

    >Arvind:getting paid doesnt really mean that youre reallly that smart…llg:not meant to be offensive, just humourous.blow:actually already reached and departed delhi, in egypt now and will be leaving here tomorrow…

  9. The Dude says:

    >llg:oh yeah, welcome back – its been a looong time since Ive seen you around these highways and byways..cheers…

  10. Renovatio says:

    >Come on dude, your posts are as long as mine… I just have a skinnier template for actual posts than you do…I love lawyer jokes, in fact, my favorite pastime is to harass a dear, dear, couple that I’m very fond of with lawyer jokes… they’re both lawayers themselves

  11. blow says:

    >dang! i envy your travel itenenrary

  12. >Old one, dude. Though still good.Pondicherry? Now there’s a plan.

  13. The Dude says:

    >Blow:Thanks! If I wasnt me, I would too, and now youre probably gonna envy it some more…AQC:havent you heard man? “oldies but goodies” its more often then not, the way of things.Yeah pondi’s interesting in its own way, no huge deal, but good for a chiller…

  14. >Welcome back to YOU now..So are you going to start writing anytime before the sun disintegrates itself? 🙂

  15. nishaa says:

    >Dude,this is so funny…I just can’t stop laughing!

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