“Insulting with style” (Lessons by Captain Archibald Haddock)

Ah, the truly classic trademark line!

Hello, hello folks!

I’m actually off for a music festival today so am preemptively posting this intended-for-friday post up, also I feel bad that the excessive workload these past two weeks has kept me from posting up new fiction!

Something funny and educational for you all – I was bobbing around the trash-littered information superhighway of wonder that we call the internet (or interwebs, whichever you prefer) and came across a site dedicated to a great many things “Tintin”.

Now I’m a great fan of the adventuring reporter and his many tales – but the soft spot, my favourite from amongst the rich and entertaining supporting cast of series’ creator Herge, the one I actually like better than Tintin himself has always been Captain Haddock. So you can imagine how pleased I was at coming across this section on the same site that was actually a collection of his marvelously ludicrous, but oh-so-awesome swears and insults from across the entire series.

And so… as I begin my journey to learning some and expanding my vocabulary of verbalisations for lifes varied vexations, I leave you with the list itself (and the link above) that you might expand your own horizons and lexicon should you so desire – or if not, then perhaps just have a good old-fashioned chuckle at the sheer creativity of this stuff! Enjoy!

(Total count: 208)


Aardvark! Abecedarians! Aborigine! Addle-pated lumps of anthracite! (old) Alcoholic ! Anachronisms! Anacoluthons! Antediluvian bulldozer! Anthracite! Anthropithecus! Anthropophagus! Arabian Nightmare! Artichokes! Autocrats! Aztecs!

…how the hell do you make a comeback to that?!


Baboons! Baby-snatchers! Bagpipers! Bald-headed budgerigar! Bandits! Bashi-bazouks! Bath-tub Admiral! Beast! Belemnite! Big-head! Billions of blue blistering boiled and barbecued barnacles ! Billions of billious barbecued blue blistering barnacles! Billions of Bilious Blue BlisteringBarnacles! Billions of bilious blue blistering barnacles in a thundering typhoon! Billions of Blue Blistering Barnacles! Black beetles! Black Marketers! Blackamoor! Blackbird! Blackguards! Blistering Barnacles! Blistereing blundering bird-brain! Bloodsuckers! Blue blistering barnacles! Blue Blistering Bell-Bottomed Balderdash! Blunderbuss! Bodysnatcher! Bootlegger! Borgia! Bougainvillea! Brat! Breathalyser! Brigands! Brutes! Bucaneers! Bully! Butcher!


Cachinnating cockatoo! Cannibals! Carpetsellers! Caterpillars! Centipede! Cercopithecus! Coconut! Coelcanth! Colocynths! Corsair! Cowards! Crabapples! Cro-Magnon! Crooks! Cushion footed quadrupeds! Cyclotron!


Diplodocus! Dogs! Doryphore! Doryphores! Duck-billed platypus! Dunderheaded coconuts! Dynamiter!


Ectoplasms! Egoists!


Fancy-dress Facist! Fancy-dress Fatima! Fancy-dress freebooter! Fatfaces! Filibuster(s)! Fourlegged Cyrano! Freshwater pirate! Freshwater swabs! Fuzzy wuzzy!

I’d be pissed if I had such tiny feet too!


Gallows-fodder! Gangof Theives! Gangsters! Gibbering anthropoids! Great flat-footed grizzly bear! Gobbledgook! Gogglers! Goosecaps! Guano-gatherers ! Gyroscope!


Harlequin! Heretic! Highwayman! Hydrocarbon!


Iconoclasts! Idiots! … you, Imitation Incas, you [Prisoners p47 B2]! You, interplantary goat, you!


Jellied eel! Jellyfish! Jobbernowl!


Kleptomaniacs! Koua Kouakouin Kouinkouin Koua Kouin Koua!


Lily-livered landlubbers! Liquorice! Loathsome brute! Logarithim! Lubberscum!


Macrocephalic baboon! Megacycle! Megacycle Pyromaniac! Mameluke! Miserable blundering barbecued blister! Miserable earth worms! Miserable miser! Miserable molecule of mildew! Misguided missles! MisterMule! Monopolizers! Monster! Morons! Moujiks! Mountebanks! Musical morons!


Nanny Goat! Nitwits! Nitwitted ninepins! Nyctalops!


Odd-toed ungulate! Ophicleides! Orangoutang! Ostrogoth!


Pachyrhizus! Parasites! Patagonians! Pestilential Pachyderm! Phylloxera! Pickled herrings! Pirates! Pithecanthropic montebanks! Pithecanthropic pickpocket! Pithecanthropus! Pockmarks! Politican! Poltroons! Polygraphs! Polynesian! Profiteers! Psychopath! Purple profiteering jellyfish! Pyrographers! Pyromaniac!

So good you have to highlight the best just to remember them for usage someday!


Raggle taggle ruminants! Rapscallion! Rats! Revenge! Rhizopods! RKRPXZKRMTFRZ! Road roller! Roadhogs!


Saucy tramp! Savages! Scorpion! Sea-gherkin(s)! Sea-lice! Sea lion! Shipwreckers! Slavertrader! Slubberdegullions! Sparrows! Spitfire! Steamroller! Stoolpigeon! Subtropical sea-louse! Swine!

(Note: Squawking popinjay – in “The Secret of the Unicorn”, Captain Francis Haddock says it to Red Rackham–but since Captain Archibald Haddock is narrating this to Tintin, some may say that it is one of his many curse words. Also, a parrot says it in Red Rackham’s Treasure on page 29.)


Technocrat! Ten thousand thundering typhoons! Terrapins! Terrorists! Thundering typhoons! Tin hatted tyrants! Toads! Toffee-noses! Traitors! Tramps! Tribe of Polynesians! Troglodytes! Turncoats! Twister! Two-timing Troglodytes!


Ungulate (see O for odd-toed ungulate)


Vandal! Vegetarian! Vermicellis! Viper! Visigoths! Vulture!


Weevils! Whippersnapper! Wildcat! Woodlice!


Young monkey!




Well, I hope that made you laugh and reminisce and added to your lexicon as it most certainly has mine. Cheers!

6 Comments Add yours

  1. TheOthers1 says:

    Ahahahahaha. Your captions beneath are epically funny. This cracked me up.

  2. Robby Cowell says:

    Haha, these are hilarious. I’m going to have to use some of these now!

    1. Spider42 says:

      Excellent! Hope they give you much satisfaction at the confounded looks they’ll inevitably draw! 😀

  3. Priyanka says:

    Haha made my day!!😇👍

    1. Aku says:

      I’m glad – we need all the positivity we need these days. 😀

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