We’ve all had relationships, been single, many have even had periods where random hook-ups were the norm for a time (if it’s your long-term standard then you’re on a whole other continent and good luck to ya!)
There’s a problem that is more prevelant these days than it was before – faced by both men and women – which is the dilemma of being single. This is a bigger issue now because society has changed dramatically in the past couple of decades and the current crop of people in their mid-20’s and up are more single than ever before and mainly by choice. The need to settle or be pressured by the norm is not quite so strong and people are resisting conforming to the marriage-cliche and both finding partners and having kids and such later in life.
Now there’s no shortage of talk about what single women have to go through and the pressure they face, but truth be told, as a single guy, it’s not exactly a walk in the park. More so in a place like India, where you were expected to already have at least one kid well into middle school by the time you crossed into your early 30’s.
So, to give a voice to all the other guys who have to put up with this stuff (and mainly to get my own annoyance out!), here’s a list of the most annoying crap you have to put up with and smile or shrug off from friends and family:
#10. Have you tried online dating?
Is that code for: ‘You’re desperate’? Somehow the strangely implicit undertone of this tends to imply that clearly you can’t manage with the people you meet in your daily life so might as well just cast a wider net (note: the fishing net analogy works well coupled with #3 below). Sure, there’s greater acceptance nowadays and there’s your married friends who think that Tinder is your key to hook-up city and have this strange image of you swimming in prospective partners – but in the end it’s still seen by many as something beneath them and they look at you funny.
Also, my 30-day trial ran out.
#9. You’ll find love when you least expect it.
So… basically that means I should expect it when I’m sitting on a bean bag, eating a pizza, slurping whiskey out of a mug and watching Bob’s Burgers. Sure, we all understand that it can seem harder to find love when you’re too focused on it – heck we even have the concept of remembering what you’re looking for when you stop thinking about it – but how are you not supposed want a relationship when you’re being made to feel like you’re flawed without one? Hell, most every aspect of pop-culture and cultures globally are literally designed to make single-dom feel almost equivalent to leprosy.
It’s OK to hope for a relationship. It doesn’t mean an evil force from beyond will hear your hope and come down to kill your chances. Well okay, if you’re a religious/superstitious enough twit… er… person, who knows, you might actually think that.
Hands down the most common thing you hear from older folks trying to be nice or friends who think you need some ego-boosting.
Stupidly generic, pointless and honestly ends up having the opposite effect by simply reminding you that not only do you need to find someone but implying that currently there is something missing in your life.
#7. Dude, when I broke up…
Good friends who are smart enough to know better will not do this to you but there’s no shortage of random people who will feel the need to compare their heart-ache to yours – because that’s better than trying to tell me something to distract from the sadness-wasteland that is my life… or some such. Worse? When your married friends (or those in long term relationships) try and tell you this it’s by default about 10 times more annoying and makes you want to grab the nearest object and brain them with it.
#6. You want me to hook you up with…
Unless you are close to me and really, REALLY know me and what I want and are hooking me up with possibly the girl of my dreams, just FUCK NO!
#5. You’re too smart for her. She doesn’t deserve you, man.
Oh thank you so much… thank you for not only not helping me but making me feel like clearly there’s a flaw in your “smart” reasoning because otherwise why the fuck would I be stupid enough to fall for and feel such pain over her.
#4. Everything happens for a reason.
#3. Don’t worry there are plenty of fish in the sea. You just have to put yourself out there!
Ok, this one is good advice on the off chance that you’re a gnome at home, refusing to leave.
Otherwise, it can be… pretty grating, to say the least.
#2. So, when are you getting married?
#1. But you’re such a great guy.How can you still be single?
Sure, your friends support you. These statements are ego boosters, but after hearing it for the nth time with you on single status still, you just want to punch the next person who drops this line on you!
Of course, you’re a great single individual, but you know that you are flawed too.
Hearing this feels like you’re being condescended to and that’s when the crazy starts to rise…
So there you have it folks, I’ll see you again soon.