I’ve been feeling tired these days folks – not your garden variety physical tiredness though, nor really “tired of life” or any other old cliche or other. I quite like life and mine is pretty darn good all said and done – I’m quite grateful for a lot of things.
What I refer to is that feeling you have sometimes when something feels missing, when you can’t help but find yourself looking out of more and more windows, when you feel like there are miles to go and something has to give sooner or later. I refer to that dangerous emotion and state of mind that the French in their inimitable style have a word for : ennui. If you are unfamiliar with it, it basically refers to a feeling of listlessness, utter weariness and general discontent.
Of course, if you’ve been around this blog a while, you’ll know that my general silliness and good nature (I assume) aside, this is something that comes and goes.
You see amid all the other things that flood our daily existence from all sides, recently my Dad had a bit of a health scare (that thankfully turned out to be minor) and now my Mother, my Sister and I have been shuttling back and forth in rotation at the hospital where he’s being kept for monitoring for a week or so until all the symptoms fully subside and he’s ready to head back to the old home-stead.
Now this in itself doesn’t bother me as much as you might think. It’s not that I don’t care, I just see a relatively small occurrence for what it is – there is no immediate threat to life, all is under control and now it’s just biding time until (as the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy puts it) we have normality. The same of course I think can be said for my ennui – like all things, this too shall pass.
In the meantime however, I’m spending a lot of time on the highway because the hospital – which is a pretty nice one actually, even has a nice, tiny food court – is way out from where we live and you plan to take at least an hour each way, minimum. If you’re lucky you don’t exceed that, but it can get pretty horrid if you get caught in the traffic, especially around “quitting time” and it’s partner, morning rush.
There is an upside though! I’ve been on the road a fair bit (tiring though it is) and recently it’s been some erratic weather, what with the monsoon season trying to make it’s mark, resulting in some spectacular skies. Throw in the fact that I like being on the road (not traffic, mind you) and even as a kid many years ago got teased for saying I wanted to be a truck driver when I grew old, and you’ve got a fairly decent situation most of the time – I think it was the idea of the open road, seeing the world, being alone with my thoughts and wandering mind, all this and more that is so distinctive of my nature that makes me not mind the long journeys as much as most.
Now, I’ve long been an avid (if not exactly sharing) photographer of random things, with a special penchant for snapping images of beautiful skies – for the first time on this blog I’m going to properly share some, so here are a few of the shots (in slide-show) from nary a day past:
I suppose living in a city my whole life and born with an active imagination, I’ve always been attracted to visuals like a beautiful sky. It’s the stuff muses and inspiration are made of and can darken a soul or lighten the spirit. The heavens are such a powerful part of each of us, of our cultures, of our ideals and reflect so much of our aspirations and trepidations – both “real” as well as metaphysical.
Perhaps that’s the root of my fascination?
But I’ve rambled enough for now, there is work yet to be done and miles to go before I sleep… (literally, I have to leave from work now to drive home and pick up a few things before heading out to the hospital for the night! :D)
On the plus side, I’ve just finished up what I think is a nice new story to share with you guys here and hopefully I’ll manage to type it out today and post it up within the next 24 hours – it was actually meant to go up by Monday, but being the boring twit I am, I often still write long-hand first and then transcribe that to digital and edit in the process. Not the best time-planning, but I enjoy writing out a story on paper, in ink, by hand… feels more connected and almost as if the idea’s are flowing down my arm to the that pen that has been through so much with me and that creative life’s-blood comes forth as ink that slowly brings the story to life as it flows on to the page, letter by letter by letter.
My whimsy and wandering mind got the better of me there for a moment! But I suppose that’s enough for today – I’ll see you all back here soon enough with a strange little tale that I hope you’ll enjoy.